24 || aspiring cosmetologist || latinx
knitman-deactivated20181116 asked:
yournewapartment answered:
I actually spent four months living in my current apartment on my own when we first moved in. As part of my boyfriend’s associates degree, he was required to intern out of state, so we had that long distance lifestyle for a few months. That was interesting. I guess technically he still lived with me because he helped pay the rent, but it sure as hell felt like I was living on my own. In my experience:
1. PKW. Phone, keys, wallet. Every time you go anywhere. Check twice. The worst part of living on your own is having to rely on yourself to never forget to lock yourself out or leave your wallet at a sandwich shop in a mall. Make absolutely sure you have duplicates of your keys (I would get a couple made) and give one to a friend who lives nearby who you can count on. I also like to keep an extra set inside the apartment itself in a secure place, just in case. Your landlord can let you in during office hours, but giving a key to a trustworthy friend helps you 24/7.
2. Cleaning routine. You don’t have to sit down at a writing desk and draft this out, but spend a few minutes coming up with a basic cleaning regime for you to follow. It’s definitely easier to do a little each day, but if that doesn’t work for your schedule set aside at least an hour and a half during your time off to get your apartment spotless. I don’t know about you, but whenever I deep clean my apartment I feel like I’m living in a hotel for a day, and I absolutely love it.
3. Make a “moving” shopping list. This is everything you will need (minus food) for your first week at your new place. First aid kit, cleaning supplies, tape, cat food, etc. Your first week moving into your new place will be stressful enough, you don’t want to be halfway through setting up your living room and realize that you forgot to buy trash bags.
4. Secure yourself. I’m not the most agile or fast person in the world, and I do live in a mid-sized city that has a good deal of crime. The apartment complex I live in is very safe, but I still like to double lock my front door at night. It might be smart to keep some pepper spray or a baseball bat somewhere in your apartment, just in case.
5. Stay social. Even the most anti-social person gets lonely. Make sure to hang out with your friends, not just your co-workers, your actual friends. Get out off your apartment every few days and go see a movie, get a cup of coffee, go people watching at the park, etc. It’s easy to get depressed if you’re living alone and doing the same things the same way every day- allow yourself to mix it up.
6. Meal prep. It can be stressful and seem useless to cook complicated or “fancy” meals when you’re living on your own. Plan your meals for the week and make a list before going shopping. Get yourself enough food to make a variety of dinners that will only take you fifteen minutes. If you do want to go crazy and make steak and mashed potatoes for yourself, make enough for two meals. Also, nobody is going to think poorly of you for stocking your fridge with a couple frozen dinners.
7. Customer service. Living alone means that you are going to be doing a lot of talking to customer service representatives. Get comfortable talking to people over the phone. Tell the rep what you need as quickly as you can, and try to be polite because customer service at a phone center is a garbage job that doesn’t pay well. On the flip side, don’t be afraid to ask for a manager if you’re upset or unhappy with your service. Take their survey at the end of your phone call, tell them how unhappy you are. It’s someone’s shitty job to look at all those surveys, no complaint goes unheard. Companies with great phone service: Verizon, Apple, Amazon. Companies with awful phone service: USPS (literally the worst), electric companies, health insurance companies.
8. Guest space. This is not required, but it’s a good idea to have some sort of space for a friend to stay the night. A friend of mine had a bad breakup, showed up at my apartment with ten minute’s notice, and then fell asleep on my couch after an hour of crying. It as 7:30! Whatever, she needed it. Keep an extra blanket and pillow in your closet, I like to keep travel sized shampoos and conditioners in my bathroom cabinet on the off chance a guest wants to use my shower. I got these at a hotel for free, but they’re available at CVS and other pharmacies.
9. Toilet paper. Don’t let yourself run out of toilet paper! I like to buy more when I notice I only have one roll left. The same deal goes for paper towels.
10. Enjoy. Living on your own is simoltaneously exciting and exhausting, but an all around must-have experience. Enjoy the freedom to forget to make the bed, to decorate your bathroom however you want, to have ice cream for dinner, to watch reruns of Friends and cry when Rachel decides to move to France. Make sure to give yourself lots of space to move at your own pace, but please remember to eat three meals a day and to go to the doctor’s for a checkup at least once a year!
Not all of us need to wear spandex bicycle shorts and Balenciaga sneakers. Some of us can wear other things. And I think that that is fine and totally okay
Who would love me when my mental illness acts up? Who would love me when I ask if they are leaving me 50 times a day? Who would love me when I think they don’t care about me anymore just because they’re talking about another friend of theirs? Who would love me when I get angry and act annoyed with them for no good reason? Who would love me when I shut down and stop responding to their text messages and calls? Who would love me when I get insanely and irrationally jealous because they had a small conversation with a waitress in front of me? Who would love me when I don’t even know who I truly am? Who would love me when my mental illness is the only true form of identity I have? Who would love me in spite of all that and actually want to fucking stick around??
and people who are very close to Borderlines, regardless of whether it’s romantic or not! I have BPD and wanted to list some things that my partner does that really help me and our relationship, in case they can help anyone else <3
that’s all i can think of for now but feel free to add more
((ROMANTICALLY OR PLATONICALLY))
1) Tell them what’s real. Have them tell you what’s real. Whether it’s the color of their shirt or how much they are needed.
2) Be there. Just be there. For them, or with them. Sometimes the most calming thing can be laying in bed (or on the floor!) with them in silence. Just having another person with them.
3) The little things means everything. The actual idea that you have taken a second to not tell us, but show us will be something we hold onto. (Personal note: someone very special to me sent me a flower gram at school in February for Valentine’s Day, I still have it.)
4) Reassure them constantly that you love them. Keep them in the loop of your life, even if it’s just a text saying you love them or what you’re up to today.
5) They will think you’re angry with them for no obvious reason to you, and then you’ll get annoyed that they think that. Don’t. Our minds have a way of making us think any and everyone hates us.
6) They will push you away. They’re scared. It is nothing against you. Typically, it means they’re scared of how close you’re getting. This is a great time for hugs (with consent!)
7) They will love you. They feel so deeply and sometimes it’s so, so hard but they will never ever want to be without you.
Therapists are just…. Common sense filters
Me: yeah so I just don’t have the energy to get up and make myself a sandwich or wait for something to cook so I just. Don’t
Her: why don’t you just eat the sandwich components without putting them together
Me:
Her: you can just eat a handful of cheese and some sandwich meat. You don’t have to make a sandwich.
Me:
Me: what
Therapists finding loopholes for mental illness things is one of my favorite things about dealing with mental illness because it really helps me understand that just because a reaction is Common doesn’t mean it’s Right. Does doing dishes stress you out a lot? Buy paper plates. Do your obsessive thoughts make you worry about leaving your curling iron on so you drive home from work to check? Just put the curling iron in your purse and bring it to work with you while we work on tackling where this worry comes from. Symptom management doesn’t have to look like drudgery.
i used to go days without showering because seeing my body was so upsetting that i would end up spiraling and then i realized i could simply turn the lights out. it took some getting used to but i’ve been showering with the lights off for years and it’s now one of my favorite parts of my day.
do whatever you want nothing is real and there’s no need to inflict unnecessary suffering on yourself just to try to seem “normal”
I love this post
Hmmm
These kinds of loopholes make life so. Much. Better.
One of my favorite stories is this lady had extremely bad OCD. Every day she’d be late to work because she was convinced that her hair dryer was going to burn down the house so would always have to turn around and check it. Multiple times a day even. A bunch of doctors tied to “fix” her of that fear, until one day she got a doctor that suggested she bring the hair dryer with her. Other doctors were annoyed, saying that wasn’t a the correct way to help, but she gave it a go. When she had that fear, she’d look over and see the hair dryer unplugged in the seat next to her and was able to carry on. I think it’s such a perfect example of actually helping someone instead of forcing them into a neurotypical standard.
That story helped me stop repeatedly checking if my front door was locked. Instead of checking that the door was locked over and over I would check my security system app. If it’s on it will alert me if the front door opens.
“…actually helping someone instead of forcing them into a neurotypical standard” should be added to the Hippocratic Oath.
Started reading about the door and I thought they were gonna say they took the door with them
There’s this girl at my school and she’s really nice and I remember sometime last year at one point she would carry a clicker around and click it everytime she had a happy thought/something good happened/she laughed etc.
It was always kind of cute how you’d just hear the little click every once in a while throughout class it always made me smile knowing that it was bc something made her feel happy idk
she was training herself to be happy oh my god
does it work???? Imagine feeling yourself slipping into depression and you just click a few times and your brain says “wait, this is the sound of happiness I have to release serotonin”
She fucking Pavlov’d herself, the absolute madwoman
Having no sources of intimacy in your daily life and therefore resorting to learning as much as you can as a way to pass the time is such a sad cycle, every single day its like what can I become obsessively interested in this time to vaguely simulate companionship and a temporary sense of purpose that I know will eventually make me feel even more alone because even if I find meaning and enjoyment it is completely irrelevant to and isolated from everyone and everything else
yournewapartment
voxeterna1
“Girl you think I give a fuck about this job. I don’t want this job, I want you.”
- Barack Obama
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